Taking Care During the Holidays

As the holidays approach, the busyness of the season often increases our stress level. The familiar tug of priorities can be overwhelming. Some common themes are managing others' expectations, the insistence on creating memories, and the pressure to “enjoy every minute of family time.” It’s important to do holiday season activities because you want to and because they bring joy all the while avoiding a sense of depletion and overwhelm. 

Anchor Co-founder Veronica Kemeny shares some ideas about how to take care of yourself during this potentially stressful time.

The Importance of Values

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the term "values" refers to activities that give our lives meaning. Values are not goals in that we never “accomplish” a value. Instead, values are like a compass–they help us make choices based on the directions in which we want our lives to go. Creating your own values for the season can help you recenter yourself when you get pulled by competing demands and expectations of others. 

Lean into Your Values

Jump ahead and think about the end of all the festivities. What will you have hoped to have done? To have felt? Center yourself in those emotions and activities as goals. If you feel overwhelmed, a tightness in your body, or resentment, you most likely have gotten pulled by other people’s expectations and priorities and gone astray from your needs and wants. 

Create statements and imagery grounded in what you want. Maybe it’s the image of yourself in front of a cozy fire, under a warm blanket which evokes calm. Maybe it’s making cookies with your kids and being silly in the kitchen. Some statements that may resonate could be, “I deserve to slow down and enjoy this season” or “I will check in with myself to stay on track with our values.”

Share your values and goals for the season with your partner and/or a close family member who can help you stay accountable to yourself. Check in with yourself often both emotionally and in your body to help guide your behaviors. 

"You do not need to be the perfect person, partner, and parent this holiday season."

Engage in Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is so important when it comes to listening to your needs and wants. It means acknowledging that your needs and emotions matter and giving yourself the kindness and grace you would give others. You do not need to be the perfect person, partner, and parent this holiday season. You need to be you and center yourself on your internal values so you can look back and be happy with how you spent your time. 

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are a popular concept for a reason! Most people never got a lesson on understanding their own boundaries, let alone permission to set boundaries. Depending on how much you plan to deviate from people’s expectations, sometimes having a conversation with family ahead of time can set the groundwork for a more successful and values-driven holiday season. This might sound like, “We have decided to slow down this season so we may pass on some activities we normally do together," or "We value our time together and the holiday memories but will also be checking in with ourselves on what we need in terms of time at home and rest.”

Notice Family Dynamics

When family dynamics kick up uncomfortable emotions, notice those familiar feelings and prioritize centering yourself: take some time alone, practice intentional breathing, or engage in an activity that brings you joy. Revisit the values you set for yourself and center yourself on those rather than falling into familiar emotional traps and behaviors. 

Final Thoughts

Overall, it can be a taxing season when we lose sight of what matters and don’t check in with ourselves. Give yourself the kindness and self-compassion to shift how you handle this holiday season if you have felt unfulfilled and depleted in previous years. You can create meaningful experiences by checking in with yourself often and redirecting your time and energy as needed.

Veronica Kemeny is one of the founders of Anchor Perinatal Wellness and a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with a certification in perinatal mental health (PMH-C). She is originally from Connecticut and moved to NC in 2015. She is bilingual in Spanish and is passionate about supporting parents as they embark on the complicated and fulfilling journey of parenthood. 

This post originally appeared on Her Health Collective as part of the "For Moms By Experts"series.